Tuesday, 24 July 2018 21:16

My Brother and the Agave Incident

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my brother and my son my brother and my son Sarah Gaertner

You know how you have those stories in your family that you pass down from generation to generation?  Those stories that always make you laugh as soon as they are mentioned and transport you instantly back in time?  In my family our stories include Sao Feng from Pirates of the Caribbean, David Hasselhoff and Captiva Island, a mule deer, banana tubing at Grandview, and the Minneapolis Pedal Pub.  These stories are our favorite stories to tell.  When ever we meet someone new and have them over for dinner one of these stories inevitably comes up in conversation and makes us laugh so hard our cheeks ache.  These are the stories that define us.  When told, these stories turn strangers into friends and awkward moments into intimate gatherings.  

Over the 4th of July we spent 10 glorious days on Gull Lake with my parents, my brother and sister in law, my nieces, my cousins and a good friend.  After a long day on the water or on the golf course we would all meet on our screened-in porch for dinner, a few cocktails and lots of story telling.  10 nights of family time and laughter is so good for my soul.  I reconnected with my family and was reminded why it is so important to spend time with those we love.  

One evening, my brother and cousin declared it Margarita Night!  They are both avid athletes and conscientious about their diet.  They primarily eat food from the Earth and limit man-made highly processed food products.  So Margarita Night did not come from a mix.  My brother spent a painstakingly 30 minutes squeezing fresh limes and purchased an "organic" tequila.  It was 93 degrees and 93% humid in the shade that evening so the margaritas went down pretty quickly.  Needless to say we laughed a lot and retold many of our favorite stories.  

Later than evening, after my brother and his wife had put the girls to bed my brother started to feel kind of yucky.  At first he noticed his gut was talking back to him.  It was rumbling and gurgling and basically yelling at him; warning him that something was about to happen.  Then the intense pain set in.  The pain in your gut that makes you sweat and you don't know if your body is going to eject the invader from your top end or bottom end.  I will not get into the rest of the details, but will let you know that my brother's gut decided to purge the intruder through the back door.  

The next morning I looked at my brother and instantly knew something was wrong.  He had dark circles under his eyes and looked a little green.  He told me what happened, and I simply looked at him and said, "you have been agaved!".  "Agaved?", he questioned.  "Yes," I responded.  "The supposedly organic tequila you purchased was made with 100% agave syrup".  

My brother gave me one of those looks like here we go again - my sister, the know it all, it about to impart wisdom on her little brother.  In fact, I was.  

I informed my brother that "agave syrup is basically high-fructose corn syrup masquerading as a health food.” (a).  And, agave syrup is actually higher in fructose than high-fructose corn syrup.(b)  It contains 90% fructose.  I concluded with the simple fact that the agave plant is used as a natural laxative in herbal medicine practices. (c).  Hence, that is why he spent the evening having a "Dumb and Dumber moment".

My brother was shocked.  He assumed the tequila he purchased was healthier.  After all, it's label claimed it was a healthy choice.  It was made with agave syrup and agave syrup is a "natural product".  Clearly my brother had been duped.  He was trying to make a healthy choice, one that concurs with his food beliefs and diet culture.  My brother had been "agaved"!!!  

Even Dr. Oz has been "agaved".  In 2014 he posted the following on his blog:  "Over the past few months, I’ve become increasingly concerned about a sweetener that I’ve recommended on my show in the past. After careful consideration of the available research, today I’m asking you to eliminate agave from your kitchen and your diet." (d)

Later in the day my brother started to feel better and was ready to laugh about his evening.  I did feel bad for him, but I also knew that this would become one of those stories we add to our collection.  I now lovingly refer to it as:  "My brother and the agave incident."


a.  Debunking the Blue Agave Myth

b.  Is Agave Nectar Good for You?

c.  Agave Nectar Side Effects

d. Dr Oz's Blog


Read 5142 times Last modified on Tuesday, 06 November 2018 21:14